Voltaire Quotes, Funny Quotes, Religion Quotes

If there were no God, it would have been necessary to invent him.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religion Quotes

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Triumph Quotes

Murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mistake Quotes

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

It is always a temptation to a rich and lazy nation, To puff and look important and to say:- 'Though we know we should defeat you, we have not the time to meet you, We will therefore pay you cash to go away.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Temptation Quotes

My mother married a very good man ... and she is not at all keen on my doing the same.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.

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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

"Vell," said Mr. Weller, "Now I s'pose he'll want to call some witnesses to speak to his character, or p'raps to prove a alleybi. I've been a turnin' the bis'ness over in my mind, and he may make his-self easy, Sammy. I've got some friends as'll do either for him, but my adwice 'ud be this here-never mind the character, and stick to the alleybi. Nothing like a alleybi, Sammy, nothing."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A good scare is worth more than good advice.

5 years ago

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Tags : Horace Quotes , Funny Quotes , Advice Quotes

I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.

5 years ago

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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

When there is an old maid in the house, a watchdog is unnecessary.

5 years ago

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes