Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

As I approve of a youth that has something of the old man in him, so I am no less pleased with an old man that has something of the youth. He that follows this rule may be old in body, but can never be so in mind.

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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Golf Quotes

Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.

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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

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Tags : Saint Augustine Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The French complain of everything, and always.

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Tags : Napoleon Bonaparte Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.

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Tags : Mahatma Gandhi Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

All knives and forks were working away at a rate that was quite alarming; very few words were spoken; and everybody seemed to eat his utmost, in self defence, as if a famine were expected to set in before breakfast-time to-morrow morning, and it had become high time to assert the first law of nature.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Morning Quotes

What is a husband? He is the one who, with a touch, can bring back the starlight and glow of years long ago. At least he hopes he can - don't disappoint him.

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Tags : Alan Beck Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christmas Quotes

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Do not try to live forever. You will not succeed.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Forever Quotes