Ernest Hemingway Quotes, Funny Quotes, Fathers Day Quotes

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fathers Day Quotes

There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

Most people's major life changes don't come from reading an article in the newspaper; they come from reading longer-form essays or thoughtful books, which are much more convincing and detailed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Aaron Swartz Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Education Quotes

No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: he is always convinced that it says what he means.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.

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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Frailty, thy name is woman!

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Memorable Quotes

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Old age hath yet his honour and his toil.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes

Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A book is made from a tree. It is an assemblage of flat, flexible parts (still called "leaves") imprinted with dark pigmented squiggles. One glance at it and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for thousands of years. Across the millennia, the author is speaking, clearly and silently, inside your head, directly to you. Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people, citizens of distant epochs, who never knew one another. Books break the shackles of time ― proof that humans can work magic.

5 years ago

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Tags : Carl Sagan Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes