Mark Twain Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Everyone who has ever built anywhere a "new heaven" first found the power thereto in his own hell.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Government Quotes

Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious.

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Tags : Alan Minter Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

Hatred is blind, as well as love.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.

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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

There is more to be said for stupidity than people imagine. Personally I have a great admiration for stupidity. It is a sort of fellow-feeling, I suppose.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I like Wagner's music better than anybody's. It is so loud that one can talk the whole time without other people hearing what one says.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

All knives and forks were working away at a rate that was quite alarming; very few words were spoken; and everybody seemed to eat his utmost, in self defence, as if a famine were expected to set in before breakfast-time to-morrow morning, and it had become high time to assert the first law of nature.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Morning Quotes

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Prayer Quotes

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hope Quotes

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes