George Bernard Shaw Quotes, Funny Quotes, Work Quotes

The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cat Quotes

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiring Quotes

A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I don't think the discus will ever attract any interest until they let us start throwing them at one another.

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Tags : Al Oerter Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

We were together. I forget the rest.

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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

In the majority of cases, conscience is an elastic and very flexible article

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Too much work, and no vacation, Deserves at least a small libation. So hail! my friends, and raise your glasses, Work's the curse of the drinking classes.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Drinking Quotes

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Education Quotes

New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes