Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Writing Quotes

That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors.

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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Sanity is very rare; every man almost and every woman has a dash of madness.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

My Dear McClellan, if you don't want to use the army I should like to borrow it for a while. Yours respectfully.

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , War Quotes

The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fathers Day Quotes

"The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned..."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The sea is the same as it has been since before men ever went on it in boats.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Ven you read the speeches in the papers, and see as vun gen'lman says of another, 'the Honourable member, if he vill allow me to call him so' you vill understand, sir, that that means, 'if he vill allow me to keep up that 'ere pleasant and uniwersal fiction.'

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If not that would have to say consummate I suppose. Use your own good taste and judgment.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes