Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

We have the best government that money can buy.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

It's your money. You paid for it.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

5 years ago

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

When one has not had a good father, one must create one.

5 years ago

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: he is always convinced that it says what he means.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

5 years ago

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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that men never learn anything from history.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Crush Quotes

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

5 years ago

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Tags : Saint Augustine Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

No man knows he is young while he is young.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes

Had be been Shakespeare, he would then have written Troilus and Cressidato brand the offending sex; but being only a little dog, he began to bite them.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes