Walt Whitman Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

A minister of state is excusable for the harm he does when the helm of government has forced his hand in a storm; but in the calm he is guilty of all the good he does not do.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss Lavinia had speculated much on the probabilities and improbabilities of her coming in this gorgeous state, and, on beholding the chariot from the window at which they were secreted to look out for it, agreed that it must be detained at the door as long as possible, for the mortification and confusion of the neighbours.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Al Neuharth Quotes , Funny Quotes , Attitude Quotes

The funniest people are the saddest once

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Confucius Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

When a man does exactly what a woman expects him to do she doesn't think much of him. One should always do what a woman doesn't expect, just as one should say what she doesn't understand.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Thinking Quotes

Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden danger; the child will turn instinctively for assistance, the puppy will grovel in abject submission, the kitten will brace its tiny body for a frantic resistance.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes

Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Teeth Quotes

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

To say that obesity is caused by merely consuming too many calories is like saying that the only cause of the American Revolution was the Boston Tea Party.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adelle Davis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Party Quotes