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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- I love acting. It is so much more real than life.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.
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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The British are apt to make merits of their stupidities, and to represent their various incapacities as points of good breeding.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupidity Quotes
- We are too civil to books. For a few golden sentences we will turn over and actually read a volume of four or five hundred pages.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I've taken my fun where I've found it, An' now I must pay for my fun, For the more you 'ave known o' the others The less will you settle to one.
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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes
- A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes
- There comes a moment in the day when you have written your pages in the morning, attended to your correspondence in the afternoon, and have nothing further to do. Then comes that hour when you are bored; that's the time for sex.
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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes
- Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.
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Tags : Adam Smith Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- "Well," said my aunt, "this is his boy - his son. He would be as like his father as it's possible to be, if he was not so like his mother, too."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mother Quotes
- He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- To say that obesity is caused by merely consuming too many calories is like saying that the only cause of the American Revolution was the Boston Tea Party.
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Tags : Adelle Davis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Party Quotes
- I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Years Quotes
- A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: he is always convinced that it says what he means.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket" - which is but a matter of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET." - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes