Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes, Funny Quotes, Believe Quotes

I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes

I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sloth Quotes

True, a little learning is a dangerous thing, but it still beats total ignorance.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Abigail Van Buren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Education Quotes

At fifteen, my mind was bent on learning. At thirty, I stood firm. At forty, I had no doubts. At fifty, I knew the decrees of Heaven. At sixty, my ear was receptive to truth. At seventy, I could follow my heart's desires without sin.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Successful Quotes

Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jesus Quotes

Journalists are like dogs, when ever anything moves they begin to bark.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Mr. and Mrs. Boffin sat staring at mid-air, and Mrs. Wilfer sat silently giving them to understand that every breath she drew required to be drawn with a self-denial rarely paralleled in history.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Some men never feel small, but these are the few men who are.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : A. Whitney Brown Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

But you shall not escape my iambics.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Catullus Quotes , Funny Quotes

Fifteen referees. I want fifteen referees to be at this fight because there ain't no one man who can keep up with the pace I'm gonna set except me. There's not a man alive who can whup me. I'm too fast. I'm too smart. I'm too pretty. I should be a postage stamp. That's the only way I'll ever get licked.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Smart Quotes