Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Hilarious Quotes

Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

4 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes

God created sex. Priests created marriage.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Science Quotes

If you cry ''Forward'' you must be sure to make clear the direction in which to go. Don't you see that if you fail to do that and simply call out the word to a monk and a revolutionary, they will go in precisely opposite directions?

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Failure Quotes

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The movement of life has its rest in its own music.

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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

4 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

4 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.

4 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig.

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

There is no such passion in human nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes