Jane Austen Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes

In Paris, the greatest expression of personal satisfaction known to man is the smirk on the face of a male, highly pleased with himself as he leaves the boudoir of a lady.

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

My best training came from my father.

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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it.

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Tags : Addison Mizner Quotes , Funny Quotes , Ignorance Quotes

What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Ladies and gentlemen are permitted to have friends in the kennel, but not in the kitchen.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kitchen Quotes

There comes a moment in the day when you have written your pages in the morning, attended to your correspondence in the afternoon, and have nothing further to do. Then comes that hour when you are bored; that's the time for sex.

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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christmas Quotes

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes