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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes
- All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mothers Day Quotes
- Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- As I approve of a youth that has something of the old man in him, so I am no less pleased with an old man that has something of the youth. He that follows this rule may be old in body, but can never be so in mind.
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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- To kill a relative of whom you are tired is something. But to inherit his property afterwards, that is genuine pleasure.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The dog is very smart. He feels sorry for me because I receive so much mail; that's why he tries to bite the mailman.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I was always treated as if I had insisted on being born, in opposition to the dictates of reason, religion, and morality, and against the dissuadinig arguments of my best friends.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Absence - that common cure of love.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- At 50, a man can be an ass without being an optimist but not an optimist without being an ass
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes
- "Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- What is the use of straining after an amiable view of things, when a cynical view is most likely to be the true one?.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Leadership Quotes
- I've taken my fun where I've found it, An' now I must pay for my fun, For the more you 'ave known o' the others The less will you settle to one.
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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- I've just read that I am dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers.
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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- Really, if the lower orders don't set a good example, what on earth is the use of them?
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes