Oscar Wilde Quotes, Love Quotes, Funny Quotes

I love acting. It is so much more real than life.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes

A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

The covers of this book are too far apart.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mistake Quotes

Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

Some men are like musical glasses; to produce their finest tones you must keep them wet.

5 years ago

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Tags : Samuel Taylor Coleridge Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

A minister of state is excusable for the harm he does when the helm of government has forced his hand in a storm; but in the calm he is guilty of all the good he does not do.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Bible Quotes