Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Home Quotes

You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It is perfectly monstrous,' he said, at last, 'the way people go about nowadays saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cute Quotes

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

If so many men, so many minds, certainly so many hearts, so many kinds of love.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Senior Quotes

I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His works must be contemplated with respect.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I like Wagner's music better than anybody's. It is so loud that one can talk the whole time without other people hearing what one says.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in the book. Lately he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll-back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. I don't know what's next. By the end of the week he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Food Quotes

In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

The only time to buy these is on a day with no 'y' in it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Smoking Quotes