Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.

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However, it is always nice to be expected, and not to arrive.

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Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Food Quotes

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

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Men have to do some awfully mean things to keep up their respectability.

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He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

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God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

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Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

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Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

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EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Religious Quotes

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

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diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.

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She is a peacock in everything but beauty!

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Women Quotes

Curse the blasted, jelly-boned swines, the slimy, the belly-wriggling invertebrates, the miserable soddingrotters, the flaming sods, the sniveling, dribbling, dithering, palsied, pulse-less lot that make up England today. They've got white of egg in their veins, and their spunk is that watery it's a marvel they can breed.

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Tags : D. H. Lawrence Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Eggs Quotes

A married woman is a slave you must know how to seat upon a throne.

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Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

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Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

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In my opinion, I think sarcasm and humor in a song, without turning it into a novelty song, is really charming.

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Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.

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Now that the House of Commons is trying to become useful, it does a great deal of harm.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , House Quotes