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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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- Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.
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- Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
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- Intolerance is natural and logical, for in every dissenting opinion lies an assumption of superior wisdom.
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- Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
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- POCKET, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others.
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- INDIFFERENT, adj. Imperfectly sensible to distinctions among things.
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- MAMMALIA, n.pl. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young, but when civilized and enlightened put them out to nurse, or use the bottle.
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- I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.
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- RUSSIAN, n. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic.
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- Optimist – A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
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- NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.
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- A miracle is an act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king.
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- CARTESIAN, adj. Relating to Descartes, author of 'Cogito ergo sum' to demonstrate the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved 'Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum' 'I think that I think, therefore I think that I am' as close an approach.
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- UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.
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- EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.
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- HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.
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- UNIVERSALIST, n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.
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- Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.
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- SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect.
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