Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Divine Right Quotes, Bombs Quotes

Coronation: The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.

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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

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Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

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Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.

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Revelation: a famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.

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Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound on yours.

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Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.

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Damning, with bell, book and candle / Some sinner whose opinions are a scandal. / A rite permitting Satan to enslave him / Forever, and forbidding Christ to save him.

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ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested. Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself. Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and the hope of Hell.

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UBIQUITY, n. The gift or power of being in all places at one time, but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an attribute of God and the luminiferous ether only.

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A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread.

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Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.

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Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.

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Brain: an apparatus with which we think that we think. Mind, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain.

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Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

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VANITY, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

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mine, adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.

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HYENA, n. A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead. But the medical student does that

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Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

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IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.

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