Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Country Quotes, Reading Quotes

READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in "dialect" and humor in slang.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Country Quotes , Reading Quotes

Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Religious Quotes , Food Quotes

Crowned with leaves of the laurel. In England the Poet Laureate is an officer of the sovereign's court, acting as dancing skeleton at every royal feast and singing-mute at every royal funeral.

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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

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Aristocrats: n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Guilt Quotes , Hats Quotes

Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.

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Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.

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RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead.

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NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Assessment Quotes , Political Quotes

X, n. In our alphabet being a needless letter has an added invincibility to the attacks of the spelling reformers, and like them, will doubtless last as long as the language.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Long Quotes , Letters Quotes

MINISTER, n. An agent of a higher power with a lower responsibility. In diplomacy, an officer sent into a foreign country as the visible embodiment of his sovereign's hostility.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Country Quotes , Responsibility Quotes

ZANY, n. A popular character in old Italian plays, who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the _buffone_, or clown, and was therefore the ape of an ape; for the clown himself imitated the serious characters of the play. The zany was progenitor to the specialist in humor, as we to-day have the unhappiness to know him. In the zany we see an example of creation; in the humorist, of transmission. Another excellent specimen of the modern zany is the curate, who apes the rector, who apes the bishop, who apes the archbishop, who apes the devil.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Character Quotes , Italian Quotes

MAGIC, n. An art of converting superstition into coin. There are other arts serving the same high purpose, but the discreet lexicographer does not name them.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Art Quotes , Names Quotes

Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

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DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.

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PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.

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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.

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ILLUSTRIOUS, adj. Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and detraction.

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REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

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Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is, instead of as it should be.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Vision Quotes , World Quotes