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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Dictionary: a malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic
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- DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.
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- EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred thousand have already been slain, and the question is still unsettled.
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- A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.
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- K, n. A consonant; originally precisely that of our H, but altered to its present shape to commemorate the destruction of [one of two lofty columns in] the great temple of Jarute.
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- PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.
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- UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.
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- Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
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- LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The liver is heaven's best gift to the goose; without it that bird would be unable to supply us with the Strasbourg "pate".
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- EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty.
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- Book - Learning : The dunce's derisive term for all knowledge that transcends his own impertinent ignorance.
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- Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
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- He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
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- PREDESTINATION, n. The doctrine that all things occur according to programme. . . . not be confused with that of foreordination. The difference is great enough to have deluged Christendom with ink, to say nothing of the gore.
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- MALTHUSIAN, adj. Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines, who believed in artificially limiting population, but found that it could not be done by talking. Herod of Judea, all the famous soldiers have been practical exponents of the Malthusian idea.
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- There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.
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- DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.
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- Brain, v. [as in "to brain"]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent.
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- He laughs best who laughs least.
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- Magic: (n) The art of converting superstition into coin.
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