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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- According to the most trustworthy statistics the number of adult Dullards in the United States is but little short of thirty millions, including the statisticians.
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- The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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- GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These [quills] when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person called an "author," there results a very fair and accurate transcript of the fowl's thought and feeling.
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- To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.
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- Quill: An instrument of torture yielded by a goose and commonly weilded by as ass.
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- Gout, a physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient
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- YOUTH, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.
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- Children who have proven themselves to be incorrigible by the age of twelve should be quickly and quietly beheaded, lest they grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate the likeness of their being.
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- MONAD, n. The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter (see Molecule). The monad has body without bulk, and mind without manifestation - containing all the powers and possibilities needful to his evolution into a German philosopher . .
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- PILGRIM, n. A traveler that is taken seriously. A Pilgrim Father was one who [was] not permitted to sing psalms through his nose [in Europe], followed it to Massachusetts, where he could personate God according to the dictates of his conscience.
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- PERORATION, n. The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles, but to an observer having the wrong kind of nose its most conspicuous peculiarity is the smell of the several kinds of powder used in preparing it.
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- aim, n. The task we set our wishes to.
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- BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.
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- Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
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- ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden.
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- Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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- PESSIMISM- philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.
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- A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.
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- Genius - to know without having learned; to draw just conclusions from unknown premises; to discern the soul of things.
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- ACKNOWLEDGE, v.t. To confess. Acknowledgment of one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.
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