Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Reality Quotes, Connections Quotes

Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.

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MAGNITUDE, n. Size [that is] purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Would Be Quotes , Size Quotes

Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.

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LAWYER, n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.

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Advice, the smallest current coin.

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ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it.

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We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, and the right to make that of another miserable by thrusting upon him an incalculable quantity of acquaintances; liberty, particularly the liberty to introduce persons to one another without first ascertaining if they are not already acquainted as enemies; and the pursuit of another's happiness with a running pack of strangers.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Running Quotes , Men Quotes

The most offensive egotist is he that fears to say "I" and "me." "It will probably rain" - that is dogmatic. "I think it will rain" - that is natural and modest. Montaigne is the most delightful of essayists because so great is his humility that he does not think it important that we see not Montaigne. He so forgets himself that he employs no artifice to make us forget him.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Rain Quotes , Humility Quotes

MANICHEISM, n. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and Evil. When Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious Opposition.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Fighting Quotes , Evil Quotes

Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion - thus: Major Premise: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man. Minor Premise: One man can dig a post-hole in sixty seconds; Therefore- Conclusion: Sixty men can dig a post-hole in one second. This may be called syllogism arithmetical, in which, by combining logic and mathematics, we obtain a double certainty and are twice blessed.

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EXPOSTULATION, n. One of the many methods by which fools prefer to lose their friends.

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INTIMACY, n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.

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critic, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.

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One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.

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CRAYFISH, n. A small crustacean very much resembling the lobster, but less indigestible.

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GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These [quills] when inked and drawn mechanically across paper by a person called an "author," there results a very fair and accurate transcript of the fowl's thought and feeling.

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REVOLUTION, n. A bursting of the boilers which usually takes place when the safety valve of public discussion is closed.

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Brain: an apparatus with which we think that we think. Mind, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain.

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EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred thousand have already been slain, and the question is still unsettled.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Religious Quotes , Food Quotes

Conversation: A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Commodity Quotes