Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Kindness Quotes, Imperfection Quotes

SATIRE, n. An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness.

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IGNORAMUS, n. A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.

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PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. The Primate of England is the Archbishop of Canterbury, an amiable old gentleman, who occupies Lambeth Palace when living and Westminster Abbey when dead. He is commonly dead.

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When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.

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LEXICOGRAPHER, n. A pestilent fellow who, under the pretense of recording some particular stage in the development of a language, does what he can to arrest its growth, stiffen its flexibility and mechanize its methods.

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Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

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POSITIVISM- A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Its longest exponent is Comte, its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer.

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REDRESS, n. Reparation without satisfaction.

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GRAVITATION, n. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportioned to the quantity of matter they contain-the quantity of matter they contain being ascertained by the strength of their tendency to approach one another. This is a lovely and edifying illustration of how science, having made A the proof of B, makes B the proof of A.

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HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.

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To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.

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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.

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Pantheism, n. The doctrine that everything is God, in contradistinction to the doctrine that God is everything.

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OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.

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The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

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An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.

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Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.

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Rum, n. Generically, fiery liquors that produce madness in total abstainers.

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I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.

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Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Independent Quotes , Abnormal Quotes