Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Echoes Quotes, Applause Quotes

applause, n. The echo of a platitude.

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Riven and torn with cannon-shot, the trunks of the trees protruded bunches of splinters like hands, the fingers above the wound interlacing with those below.

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EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi. A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred thousand have already been slain, and the question is still unsettled.

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Distress: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.

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INADMISSIBLE- Not competent to be considered. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible ... but there is no religion in the world that has any other basis than hearsay evidence.

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A miracle is an act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable, as beating a normal hand of four kings and an ace with four aces and a king.

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A man who piously shuts himself up to meditate upon the sin of wickedness and to keep it fresh in his mind joins a brotherhood of awful examples.

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To seek a justification for a decision already made.

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The palmist looks at the wrinkles made by closing the hand and says they signify character. The philosopher reads character by what the hand most loves to close upon.

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Scribbler, n. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one's own.

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DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.

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OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor.

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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.

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When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.

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NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.

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PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.

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POLICE, n. An armed force for protection and participation.

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NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

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HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.

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The most offensive egotist is he that fears to say "I" and "me." "It will probably rain" - that is dogmatic. "I think it will rain" - that is natural and modest. Montaigne is the most delightful of essayists because so great is his humility that he does not think it important that we see not Montaigne. He so forgets himself that he employs no artifice to make us forget him.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Rain Quotes , Humility Quotes