Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Writing Quotes, Light Quotes

LUMINARY, One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.

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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.

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Income is the natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability.

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RUIN, v. To destroy. Specifically, to destroy a maid's belief in the virtue of maids.

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Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

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OYSTER, n. A slimy, gobby shellfish which civilization gives men the hardihood to eat without removing its entrails! The shells are sometimes given to the poor.

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When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that he may know yours.

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art, n. This word has no definition.

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APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.

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An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

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NOVEL, n. A short story padded.

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MAGNITUDE, n. Size [that is] purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been.

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OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets.

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We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.

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Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

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Crowned with leaves of the laurel. In England the Poet Laureate is an officer of the sovereign's court, acting as dancing skeleton at every royal feast and singing-mute at every royal funeral.

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THEOSOPHY, n. An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science.

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They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.

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A malefactor who atones for making your writing nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.

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EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.

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