George Bernard Shaw Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: he is always convinced that it says what he means.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

What is a husband? He is the one who, with a touch, can bring back the starlight and glow of years long ago. At least he hopes he can - don't disappoint him.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alan Beck Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Years Quotes

The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cycling Quotes

There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The funniest people are the saddest once

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Confucius Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

Dead birds don't fall out of their nests.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

No man knows he is young while he is young.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes