Winston Churchill Quotes, Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Math Quotes

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating than the man who invented retreating.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

The Cardinal is at his wit's end - it is true that he had not far to go.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupidity Quotes

But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and was guilty of other glaring pious frauds.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I love acting. It is so much more real than life.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Will the highways on the Internet become more few?

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Sunshine is my quest.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sunshine Quotes

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , Laughter Quotes

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

Let a short Act of Parliament be passed, placing all street musicians outside the protection of the law, so that any citizen may assail them with stones, sticks, knives, pistols or bombs without incurring any penalties.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes