T. S. Eliot Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

[Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Pimples Quotes

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark.

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors.

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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

My best training came from my father.

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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.

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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The superfluous, a very necessary thing.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lonely Quotes

I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.

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Tags : Edgar Allan Poe Quotes , Funny Quotes , Pain Quotes

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes

I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes