Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A community is infinitely more brutalised by the habitual employment of punishment than it is by the occasional occurence of crime.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

As one reads history ... one is absolutely sickened, not by the crimes that the wicked have committed, but by the punishments that the good have inflicted.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

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I can resist everything except temptation.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.

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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Dombey sat in the corner of the darkened room in the great arm-chair by the bedside, and Son lay tucked up warm in a little basket bedstead, carefully disposed on a low settee immediately in front of the fire and close to it, as if his constitution were analogous to that of a muffin, and it was essential to toast him brown while he was very new.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.

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When one has not had a good father, one must create one.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jail Quotes

Absence - that common cure of love.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes

Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christmas Quotes