Napoleon Bonaparte Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

The French complain of everything, and always.

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I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Smoking Quotes

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Every man is surrounded by a neighborhood of voluntary spies.

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Reality Quotes

He took the bride about the neck and kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack that at the parting all the church did echo.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kissing Quotes

All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

Biography lends to death a new terror.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

Women have a wonderful instinct about things. They can discover everything except the obvious.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes

Journalists are like dogs, when ever anything moves they begin to bark.

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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

Every man over forty is a scoundrel.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Depression Quotes

In Paris, the greatest expression of personal satisfaction known to man is the smirk on the face of a male, highly pleased with himself as he leaves the boudoir of a lady.

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

To say that obesity is caused by merely consuming too many calories is like saying that the only cause of the American Revolution was the Boston Tea Party.

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Tags : Adelle Davis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Party Quotes

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

There is, in fact, no law or government at all; and it is wonderful how well things go on without them.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Poor Mr. Pickwick! ... If he played a wrong card, Miss Bolo looked a small armoury of daggers; if he stopped to consider which was the right one, Lady Snuphanuph would throw herself back in her chair, and smile with a mingled glance of impatience and pity to Mrs. Colonel Wugsby, at which Mrs. Colonel Wugsby would shrug up her shoulders, and cough, as much as to say she wondered whether he ever would begin.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes