Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Time Quotes

Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

At fifteen, my mind was bent on learning. At thirty, I stood firm. At forty, I had no doubts. At fifty, I knew the decrees of Heaven. At sixty, my ear was receptive to truth. At seventy, I could follow my heart's desires without sin.

5 years ago

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes

I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A burglar who respects his art always takes his time before taking anything else.

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Tags : O. Henry Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The sea is the same as it has been since before men ever went on it in boats.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

What is a husband? He is the one who, with a touch, can bring back the starlight and glow of years long ago. At least he hopes he can - don't disappoint him.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Beck Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Positive Quotes

Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.

5 years ago

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes