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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Books are totally useless unless you take their advice. If you just keep reading them, thinking "that's so insightful! that changes everything," but never actually doing anything different, then pretty quickly the feeling will wear off and you'll start searching for another book to fill the void.
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Tags : Aaron Swartz Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes
- An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
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Tags : Agatha Christie Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes
- Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes
- I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes
- My best training came from my father.
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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes
- Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.
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Tags : Adam Smith Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes
- College is a refuge from hasty judgment.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , College Quotes
- Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- Don't let schooling interfere with your education.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes