Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

When the ax came into the forest the trees said the handle is one of us.

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Tree Quotes

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

Man is but mortal: and there is a point beyond which human courage cannot extend. Mr. Pickwick gazed through his spectacles for an instant on the advancing mass, and then fairly turned his back and-we will not say fled; firstly, because it is an ignoble term, and, secondly, because Mr. Pickwick's figure was by no means adapted for that mode of retreat-he trotted away, at as quick a rate as his legs would convey him;.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

They misunderestimated me.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

whenever the literary german dives into a sentence, this is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.

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Tags : Bob Marley Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

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Tags : A. Whitney Brown Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent an idiot.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The difference between screwing around and science is writing it down.

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Tags : Adam Savage Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes