Albert Einstein Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I buy expensive suits - they just look cheap on me.

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Will the highways on the Internet become more few?

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

"Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.

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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Respect Quotes

Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes

The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average Frenchman who, as a rule, was in considerable doubt as to who his father was.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

We spent as much money as we could and got as little for it as people could make up their minds to give us. We were always more or less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition. There was a gay fiction among us that we were constantly enjoying ourselves, and a skeleton truth that we never did. To the best of my belief, our case was in the last aspect a rather common one.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

In particular, there was a butler in a blue coat and bright buttons, who gave quite a winey flavour to the table beer; he poured it out so superbly.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sympathy Quotes

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys over there. And me and the fat kids over here. Those kids were fat! One girl had to be cut out a hula hoop.

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

The British are apt to make merits of their stupidities, and to represent their various incapacities as points of good breeding.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupidity Quotes

Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding.

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Tags : Agnes Repplier Quotes , Funny Quotes , Patience Quotes