Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Death Quotes

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

Our civilization has decided that determining the guilt or innocence of men is a thing too important to be trusted to trained men. When it wants a library catalogued, or the solar system discovered, or any trifle of that kind, it uses up its specialists. But when it wishes anything done which is really serious, it collects twelve of the ordinary men standing round. The same thing was done, if I remember right, by the Founder of Christianity.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When a man does exactly what a woman expects him to do she doesn't think much of him. One should always do what a woman doesn't expect, just as one should say what she doesn't understand.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.

5 years ago

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

The basis of action is lack of imagination. It is the last resource of those who know not how to dream.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Let us work without theorizing, tis the only way to make life endurable.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

We were together. I forget the rest.

5 years ago

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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

You can't imagine what a pleasure this complete laziness is to me: not a thought in my brain- you might send a ball rolling through it!

5 years ago

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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sloth Quotes

The funniest people are the saddest once

5 years ago

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have never been discovered.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Two people getting together to write a book is like three people getting together to have a baby. One of them is superfluous.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes