Mark Twain Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Governments need to have both shepherds and butchers.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Government Quotes

Don't let schooling interfere with your education.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I have insecurities of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adele Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hater Quotes

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

"Next," said Mrs Wilfer with a wave of her gloves, expressive of abdication under protest from the culinary throne, "I would recommend examination of the bacon in the saucepan on the fire, and also of the potatoes by the application of a fork. Preparation of the greens will further become necessary if you persist in this unseemly demeanour."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Army Quotes

In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

We take greater pains to persuade others that we are happy than in endeavoring to think so ourselves

5 years ago

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut.

5 years ago

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Everything in moderation, including moderation.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

Girl who sit on Judge's lap get honorable discharge.

5 years ago

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The movement of life has its rest in its own music.

5 years ago

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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes