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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fine Quotes
- Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!
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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wire Quotes
- I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes
- Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes
- They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.
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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.
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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friends Quotes
- Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes
- If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Both Miss Lavinia and Miss Clarissa had a superstition, however, that he would have declared his passion, if he had not been cut short in his youth (at about sixty) by over-drinking his constitution, and over-doing an attempt to set it right again by swilling Bath water.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- What is a husband? He is the one who, with a touch, can bring back the starlight and glow of years long ago. At least he hopes he can - don't disappoint him.
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Tags : Alan Beck Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes
- I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes