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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes
- My mother married a very good man ... and she is not at all keen on my doing the same.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes
- Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jealousy Quotes
- Accidents will occur in the best regulated families.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes
- "It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Had be been Shakespeare, he would then have written Troilus and Cressidato brand the offending sex; but being only a little dog, he began to bite them.
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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes
- The youth of America is their oldest tradition. It has been going on now for three hundred years.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- As one reads history ... one is absolutely sickened, not by the crimes that the wicked have committed, but by the punishments that the good have inflicted.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Wen you're a married man, Samivel, you'll understand a good many things as you don't understand now; but vether it's worth while goin' through so much to learn so little, as the charity-boy sand ven he go to the end of the alphabet, it's a matter of taste.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes
- Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Too much work, and no vacation, Deserves at least a small libation. So hail! my friends, and raise your glasses, Work's the curse of the drinking classes.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Drinking Quotes