Adam Ferrara Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

To kill a relative of whom you are tired is something. But to inherit his property afterwards, that is genuine pleasure.

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The nephew revenges himself for this, by holding his breath and terrifying his kinswoman with the dread belief that he has made up his mind to burst. Regardless of whispers and shakes, he swells and becomes discoloured, and yet again swells and becomes discoloured, until the aunt can bear it no longer, but leads him out, with no visible neck, and with his eyes going before him like a prawn's.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Revenge Quotes

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.

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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.

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Tags : Plato Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

It is perfectly monstrous,' he said, at last, 'the way people go about nowadays saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.

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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If you injure your neighbour, better not do it by halves.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Half Quotes

Let a short Act of Parliament be passed, placing all street musicians outside the protection of the law, so that any citizen may assail them with stones, sticks, knives, pistols or bombs without incurring any penalties.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

God grant me the serenity to accept that people are ignorant, the courage to uphold the law when I'm hostile, & the wisdom to realize that murder is illegal.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes