Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Everyone who has ever built anywhere a "new heaven" first found the power thereto in his own hell.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Government Quotes

The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

A woman is always buying something.

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Tags : Ovid Quotes , Funny Quotes , Buying Something Quotes

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jealousy Quotes

We are too civil to books. For a few golden sentences we will turn over and actually read a volume of four or five hundred pages.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes

It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.

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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hope Quotes

A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes