Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

Farewell, fair cruelty.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jail Quotes

Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes

What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Gay Quotes

Democracy is an awful way to run a country, but it's the best system we have.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes

No orator can top the one who can give good nicknames.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes

Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss Lavinia had speculated much on the probabilities and improbabilities of her coming in this gorgeous state, and, on beholding the chariot from the window at which they were secreted to look out for it, agreed that it must be detained at the door as long as possible, for the mortification and confusion of the neighbours.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Clever and attractive women do not want to vote; they are willing to let men govern as long as they govern men.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

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The only time to buy these is on a day with no 'y' in it.

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I am only human, although I regret it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Regret Quotes

If you cry ''Forward'' you must be sure to make clear the direction in which to go. Don't you see that if you fail to do that and simply call out the word to a monk and a revolutionary, they will go in precisely opposite directions?

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Failure Quotes

Both Miss Lavinia and Miss Clarissa had a superstition, however, that he would have declared his passion, if he had not been cut short in his youth (at about sixty) by over-drinking his constitution, and over-doing an attempt to set it right again by swilling Bath water.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes