Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Everyone who has ever built anywhere a "new heaven" first found the power thereto in his own hell.

5 years ago

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Government Quotes

A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes

No orator can top the one who can give good nicknames.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Then, at the end of every hand, Miss Bolo would inquire with a dismal countenance and reproachful sigh, why Mr. Pickwick had not returned that diamond, or led the club, or roughed the spade, or finessed the heart, or led through the honour, or brought out the ace, or played up to the king, or some such thing; and in reply to all these grave charges, Mr. Pickwick would be wholly unable to plead any justification whatever, having by this time forgotten all about the game.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

6 years ago

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If you injure your neighbour, better not do it by halves.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Half Quotes

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

We have the best government that money can buy.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes