Winston Churchill Quotes, Funny Quotes, Uplifting Quotes

There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Uplifting Quotes

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Gay Quotes

If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes

A jury too often has at least one member more ready to hang the panel than to hang the traitor.

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes

Girl who sit on Judge's lap get honorable discharge.

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Man is but mortal: and there is a point beyond which human courage cannot extend. Mr. Pickwick gazed through his spectacles for an instant on the advancing mass, and then fairly turned his back and-we will not say fled; firstly, because it is an ignoble term, and, secondly, because Mr. Pickwick's figure was by no means adapted for that mode of retreat-he trotted away, at as quick a rate as his legs would convey him;.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

However, it is always nice to be expected, and not to arrive.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

When a man does exactly what a woman expects him to do she doesn't think much of him. One should always do what a woman doesn't expect, just as one should say what she doesn't understand.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut.

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

"Well," said my aunt, "this is his boy - his son. He would be as like his father as it's possible to be, if he was not so like his mother, too."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mother Quotes