Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Accidents will occur in the best regulated families.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

He would make a lovely corpse.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Some men never feel small, but these are the few men who are.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.

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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fate Quotes

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. Whitney Brown Quotes , Funny Quotes , Laughter Quotes

You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes