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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- I love acting. It is so much more real than life.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.
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Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes
- The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- The Cardinal is at his wit's end - it is true that he had not far to go.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupidity Quotes
- What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.
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Tags : Mahatma Gandhi Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes
- It's much easier for me to make major life, multi-million dollar decisions, than it is to decide on a carpet for my front porch. That's the truth.
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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes
- I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes
- Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- "It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- At fifteen, my mind was bent on learning. At thirty, I stood firm. At forty, I had no doubts. At fifty, I knew the decrees of Heaven. At sixty, my ear was receptive to truth. At seventy, I could follow my heart's desires without sin.
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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes
- I am only human, although I regret it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Regret Quotes
- Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Give me the luxuries and I can dispense with the necessities.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes
- Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes