Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Believe Quotes

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Hatred is blind, as well as love.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy - give one and take ten

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Give me the luxuries and I can dispense with the necessities.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The sea is the same as it has been since before men ever went on it in boats.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

When they took a young man into Tellson's London house, they hid him somewhere till he was old. They kept him in a dark place, like a cheese, until he had the full Tellson flavour and blue-mould upon him. Then only was he permitted to be seen, spectacularly poring over large books, and casting his breeches and gaiters into the general weight of the establishment.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes

General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

On the outskirts of every agony sits some observant fellow who points.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Art Quotes

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Uncles Quotes

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes