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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut.
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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes
- Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- However, it is always nice to be expected, and not to arrive.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Avoid all needle drugs, the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.
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Tags : Abbie Hoffman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dope Quotes
- The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christmas Quotes
- Some men are like musical glasses; to produce their finest tones you must keep them wet.
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Tags : Samuel Taylor Coleridge Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.
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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If one plays good music, people don't listen and if one plays bad music people don't talk.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes
- Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong?
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiring Quotes
- There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , True Friend Quotes
- It isn't that they can't see the solution. It is that they can't see the problem.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Math Quotes
- A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers.
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Tags : Maya Angelou Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes