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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before and, to be honest with you I wanted to see a blue duck.
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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Blue Quotes
- What is wrong with the prosaic Englishman is what is wrong with the prosaic men of all countries: stupidity.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes
- If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes
- The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Army Quotes
- One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- Wen you're a married man, Samivel, you'll understand a good many things as you don't understand now; but vether it's worth while goin' through so much to learn so little, as the charity-boy sand ven he go to the end of the alphabet, it's a matter of taste.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I see when men love women. They give them but a little of their lives. But women when they love give everything.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes
- Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse.
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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Rule No.1: Never lose money. Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1.
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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes
- History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
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Tags : Abba Eban Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes
- I drink to make other people more interesting.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Uplifting Quotes
- Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes