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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Poetry's unnat'ral; no man ever talked poetry 'cept a beadle on boxin' day, or Warren's blackin' or Rowland's oil, or some o' them low fellows; never you let yourself down to talk poetry, my boy.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent an idiot.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cute Quotes
- Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- "Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes
- Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes
- The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.
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Tags : Al Neuharth Quotes , Funny Quotes , Attitude Quotes
- Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes
- Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- There is more to be said for stupidity than people imagine. Personally I have a great admiration for stupidity. It is a sort of fellow-feeling, I suppose.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes
- whenever the literary german dives into a sentence, this is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Give me the luxuries and I can dispense with the necessities.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes