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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.
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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I think war is a dangerous place.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes
- If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques-especially to mosques.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes
- Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- There is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes
- Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes
- Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.
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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes
- He was by no means opposed to hard labour on principle, for he would work away at a cricket-match by the day together, - running, and catching, and batting, and bowling, and revelling in toil which would exhaust a galley-slave.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes
- However, it is always nice to be expected, and not to arrive.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes