Mark Twain Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Of course it's the same old story. Truth usually is the same old story.

5 years ago

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Your next-door neighbor is not a man; he is an environment. He is the barking of a dog; he is the noise of a piano; he is a dispute about a party wall; he is drains that are worse than yours, or roses that are better than yours.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Clever Quotes

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

5 years ago

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

The difference between screwing around and science is writing it down.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Savage Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

5 years ago

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

5 years ago

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and was guilty of other glaring pious frauds.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There are some remarkable parallels between basketball and politics. Michael Jordan has already mastered the skill most needed for political success: how to stay aloft without visible means of support.

5 years ago

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , Basketball Quotes

Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes

I walk up a dune to a beach and look out to sea, but it's 100km away. The ships lie askew in their dry beds, at anchor for ever. Today is my son's birthday. Thousands of miles from here, his healthy lungs are blowing out candles. I should be there but I'm here with another boy, who puts his face close to mine and laughs. I smile back but realise he can't see it, because I'm wearing an antiseptic muzzles to protect me from his breath.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. A. Gill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beach Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes