Confucius Quotes, Funny Quotes, Girl Quotes

Girl who sit on Judge's lap get honorable discharge.

5 years ago

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

Books are totally useless unless you take their advice. If you just keep reading them, thinking "that's so insightful! that changes everything," but never actually doing anything different, then pretty quickly the feeling will wear off and you'll start searching for another book to fill the void.

6 years ago

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Tags : Aaron Swartz Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A woman is always buying something.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ovid Quotes , Funny Quotes , Buying Something Quotes

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I think war is a dangerous place.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says: he is always convinced that it says what he means.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Absence - that common cure of love.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors.

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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A book is made from a tree. It is an assemblage of flat, flexible parts (still called "leaves") imprinted with dark pigmented squiggles. One glance at it and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for thousands of years. Across the millennia, the author is speaking, clearly and silently, inside your head, directly to you. Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people, citizens of distant epochs, who never knew one another. Books break the shackles of time ― proof that humans can work magic.

5 years ago

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Tags : Carl Sagan Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Respect Quotes

Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Shearer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Soccer Quotes

The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes