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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- ... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own.
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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes
- The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes
- Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes
- How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.
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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
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Tags : Jack London Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Although always prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it should be postponed.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes
- I can resist everything except temptation.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Be excellent and party on dudes.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes
- A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes
- Of course it's the same old story. Truth usually is the same old story.
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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes