Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Wen you're a married man, Samivel, you'll understand a good many things as you don't understand now; but vether it's worth while goin' through so much to learn so little, as the charity-boy sand ven he go to the end of the alphabet, it's a matter of taste.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.

5 years ago

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

He is like a female llama surprised in her bath.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

It is obvious that all sense has gone out of modern marriage; which is, however, no objection to marriage but to modernity.

5 years ago

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

To kill a relative of whom you are tired is something. But to inherit his property afterwards, that is genuine pleasure.

5 years ago

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

I have insecurities of course, but I don't hang out with anyone who points them out to me.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adele Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hater Quotes

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

He took the bride about the neck and kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack that at the parting all the church did echo.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kissing Quotes

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

6 years ago

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Dead birds don't fall out of their nests.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

The sea is the same as it has been since before men ever went on it in boats.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

"The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned..."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes