Voltaire Quotes, Funny Quotes, Government Quotes

Governments need to have both shepherds and butchers.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Government Quotes

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Man is but mortal: and there is a point beyond which human courage cannot extend. Mr. Pickwick gazed through his spectacles for an instant on the advancing mass, and then fairly turned his back and-we will not say fled; firstly, because it is an ignoble term, and, secondly, because Mr. Pickwick's figure was by no means adapted for that mode of retreat-he trotted away, at as quick a rate as his legs would convey him;.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes

I love acting. It is so much more real than life.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

"It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His works must be contemplated with respect.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

If you cry ''Forward'' you must be sure to make clear the direction in which to go. Don't you see that if you fail to do that and simply call out the word to a monk and a revolutionary, they will go in precisely opposite directions?

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Failure Quotes

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes