Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Wise Quotes

Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket" - which is but a matter of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET." - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes

To say that obesity is caused by merely consuming too many calories is like saying that the only cause of the American Revolution was the Boston Tea Party.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adelle Davis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Party Quotes

Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Crush Quotes

He said he didn't very well understand how George was going to sleep any more than he did now, seeing that there were only twenty-four hours in each day.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

I think war is a dangerous place.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer...? If I could work my will," said Scrooge indignantly, "every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christmas Quotes

All of us contain Music & Truth, but most of us can't get it out.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

There is nothing so absurd that some philosopher has not already said it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Funny Quotes , Philosophical Quotes

Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong?

5 years ago

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiring Quotes

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes