Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I have imbibed such a love for money that I keep some sequins in a drawer to count, and cry over them once a week.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.

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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Two people getting together to write a book is like three people getting together to have a baby. One of them is superfluous.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques-especially to mosques.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

I have always been of the opinion that hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

God gives us our relatives – thank God we can choose our friends.

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Tags : Addison Mizner Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Infancy conforms to nobody: all conform to it, so that one babe commonly makes four or five out of the adults who prattle and play to it.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.

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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'

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Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Thinking Quotes

I don't quite recollect how many tumblers of whiskey toddy each man drank after supper; but this I know, that about one o'clock in the morning, the baillie's grown-up son became insensible while attempting the first verse of 'Willie brewed a peck o' maut'; and he having been, for half an hour before, the only other man visible above the mahogany, it occurred to my uncle that it was almost time to think about going.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Morning Quotes

In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.

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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes