Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sports Quotes

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Eating words has never given me indigestion.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Health Quotes

I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark.

5 years ago

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

Farewell, fair cruelty.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding.

5 years ago

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Tags : Agnes Repplier Quotes , Funny Quotes , Patience Quotes

My father must have had some elementary education for he could read and write and keep accounts inaccurately

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

Poetry's unnat'ral; no man ever talked poetry 'cept a beadle on boxin' day, or Warren's blackin' or Rowland's oil, or some o' them low fellows; never you let yourself down to talk poetry, my boy.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse.

5 years ago

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, "What will you have, sir?" And I said, "A glass of hemlock."

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lonely Quotes

It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes