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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average Frenchman who, as a rule, was in considerable doubt as to who his father was.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes
- How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes
- Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Young men want to be faithful, and are not. Old men want to be faithless, and cannot.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Army Quotes
- People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
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Tags : A. A. Milne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiring Quotes
- Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes
- My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- You can always rely on America to do the right thing -- once it has exhausted the alternatives.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.
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Tags : Alan Shearer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Soccer Quotes
- I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Positive Quotes
- A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Education Quotes
- I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones.
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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors.
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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes
- A burglar who respects his art always takes his time before taking anything else.
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Tags : O. Henry Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes