Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Mother Quotes

"Well," said my aunt, "this is his boy - his son. He would be as like his father as it's possible to be, if he was not so like his mother, too."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mother Quotes

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

5 years ago

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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , Laughter Quotes

Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

He said he didn't very well understand how George was going to sleep any more than he did now, seeing that there were only twenty-four hours in each day.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes

I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

I've just read that I am dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers.

5 years ago

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Humor brings insight and tolerance. Irony brings a deeper and less friendly understanding.

6 years ago

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Tags : Agnes Repplier Quotes , Funny Quotes , Patience Quotes

You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

The earth has a skin and that skin has diseases; one of its diseases is called man.

5 years ago

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes