Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse.

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong.

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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sorry Quotes

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It is a very dangerous thing to know one’s friends.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

It's your money. You paid for it.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I drink to make other people more interesting.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Faith Quotes

There are men who can think no deeper than a fact.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

A woman is always buying something.

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Tags : Ovid Quotes , Funny Quotes , Buying Something Quotes

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

The British are apt to make merits of their stupidities, and to represent their various incapacities as points of good breeding.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupidity Quotes

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.

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Tags : Dalai Lama Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average Frenchman who, as a rule, was in considerable doubt as to who his father was.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes