Adelle Davis Quotes, Funny Quotes, Party Quotes

To say that obesity is caused by merely consuming too many calories is like saying that the only cause of the American Revolution was the Boston Tea Party.

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Tags : Adelle Davis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Party Quotes

Indeed, it may be laid down as a general principle, that the more extended the ancestry, the greater the amount of violence and vagabondism; for in ancient days those two amusements, combining a wholesome excitement with a promising means of repairing shattered fortunes, were at once the ennobling pursuit and the healthful recreation of the Quality of this land.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.

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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Whenever a man's friends begin to compliment him about looking young, he may be sure that they think he is growing old.

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fathers Day Quotes

Man is but mortal: and there is a point beyond which human courage cannot extend. Mr. Pickwick gazed through his spectacles for an instant on the advancing mass, and then fairly turned his back and-we will not say fled; firstly, because it is an ignoble term, and, secondly, because Mr. Pickwick's figure was by no means adapted for that mode of retreat-he trotted away, at as quick a rate as his legs would convey him;.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Infancy conforms to nobody: all conform to it, so that one babe commonly makes four or five out of the adults who prattle and play to it.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

In heaven, all the interesting people are missing.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers.

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Tags : Maya Angelou Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

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Tags : Al McGuire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

There may be some doubt as to who are the best people to have charge of children, but there can be no doubt that parents are the worst.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mother Quotes

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes