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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes
- PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- The roulette table pays nobody except him that keeps it. Nevertheless a passion for gaming is common, though a passion for keeping roulette tables is unknown.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Too much work, and no vacation, Deserves at least a small libation. So hail! my friends, and raise your glasses, Work's the curse of the drinking classes.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Drinking Quotes
- Truth - An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes
- A jury too often has at least one member more ready to hang the panel than to hang the traitor.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes
- If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes
- Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- It's better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you'll drift in that direction.
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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes
- This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes