Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, New Year Quotes

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

When the ax came into the forest the trees said the handle is one of us.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Tree Quotes

I drink to make other people more interesting.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked.

5 years ago

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivation Quotes

Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes

I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Leadership Quotes

The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and it holds the world together.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

"Next," said Mrs Wilfer with a wave of her gloves, expressive of abdication under protest from the culinary throne, "I would recommend examination of the bacon in the saucepan on the fire, and also of the potatoes by the application of a fork. Preparation of the greens will further become necessary if you persist in this unseemly demeanour."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I don't think the discus will ever attract any interest until they let us start throwing them at one another.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Oerter Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jail Quotes

Water, water, everywhere, And all the boards did shrink; Water, water, everywhere, Nor any drop to drink.

5 years ago

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Tags : Samuel Taylor Coleridge Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Money is like love; it kills slowly and painfully the one who withholds it, and enlivens the other who turns it on his fellow man.

5 years ago

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Tags : Khalil Gibran Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes