Rudyard Kipling Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it.

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I hate women because they always know where things are.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

"She's a very charming and delightful creature," quoth Mr. Robert Sawyer, in reply; "and has only one fault that I know of, Ben. It happens, unfortunately, that that single blemish is a want of taste. She don't like me."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Hatred is blind, as well as love.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Communication Quotes

A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

This past Thanksgiving, my father was at the farm, and I had all 11 dogs in the house with a father who never allowed dogs in the house. And he got up to leave the table and came back and Solomon was in his chair. And he says, "This dog is in my chair." And I said, "It's the other way around, you're sitting in his chair."

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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.

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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes