Winston Churchill Quotes, Funny Quotes, Truth Quotes

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Dombey sat in the corner of the darkened room in the great arm-chair by the bedside, and Son lay tucked up warm in a little basket bedstead, carefully disposed on a low settee immediately in front of the fire and close to it, as if his constitution were analogous to that of a muffin, and it was essential to toast him brown while he was very new.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

God grant me the serenity to accept that people are ignorant, the courage to uphold the law when I'm hostile, & the wisdom to realize that murder is illegal.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The only time my education was interrupted was when I was in school.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Senior Quotes

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes

I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Compassion Quotes

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and it holds the world together.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If I am occasionally a little over-dressed, I make up for it by being always immensely over-educated.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Littles Quotes

My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes

Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes