William Shakespeare Quotes, Funny Quotes, Kissing Quotes

He took the bride about the neck and kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack that at the parting all the church did echo.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kissing Quotes

Frazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wild Life.

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

There has been much tragedy in my life; at least half of it actually happened.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cute Quotes

What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.

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Tags : Mahatma Gandhi Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sister Quotes

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Smoking Quotes

It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes

Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It is obvious that all sense has gone out of modern marriage; which is, however, no objection to marriage but to modernity.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sexy Quotes

No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Years Quotes