Oscar Wilde Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I hospitalized a rock, killed a brick...I'm so bad I make medicine sick!

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

A minister of state is excusable for the harm he does when the helm of government has forced his hand in a storm; but in the calm he is guilty of all the good he does not do.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A true sonnet goes eight lines and then takes a turn for better or worse and goes six or eight lines more.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys over there. And me and the fat kids over here. Those kids were fat! One girl had to be cut out a hula hoop.

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

Poetry's unnat'ral; no man ever talked poetry 'cept a beadle on boxin' day, or Warren's blackin' or Rowland's oil, or some o' them low fellows; never you let yourself down to talk poetry, my boy.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Leadership Quotes

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I woke up my pop in the middle of the night 'cause the boogie man's under my bed. My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, 'Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man's under the bed!' Pop opens one eye, he's like, 'Is the boogie man bigger than me?' 'Well, no Daddy, he's not.' 'Well, you got your choice: you can deal with the boogie man or you can deal with me.'

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes

The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The only time to buy these is on a day with no 'y' in it.

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

I was never ruined but twice: once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I won one.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes