Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have never been discovered.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

All of us contain Music & Truth, but most of us can't get it out.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.

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Tags : William Blake Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Science Quotes

Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.

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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

We were together. I forget the rest.

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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I have imbibed such a love for money that I keep some sequins in a drawer to count, and cry over them once a week.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

All knives and forks were working away at a rate that was quite alarming; very few words were spoken; and everybody seemed to eat his utmost, in self defence, as if a famine were expected to set in before breakfast-time to-morrow morning, and it had become high time to assert the first law of nature.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Morning Quotes

I've just read that I am dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers.

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes