Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Dombey and Son had often dealt in hides, but never in hearts. They left that fancy ware to boys and girls, and boarding-schools and books. Mr. Dombey would have reasoned: That a matrimonial alliance with himself must, in the nature of things, be gratifying and honourable to any woman of common sense. That the hope of giving birth to a new partner in such a house, could not fail to awaken a glorious and stirring ambition in the breast of the least ambitious of her sex.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes

Murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mistake Quotes

In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Integrity Quotes

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

No sane man will dance.

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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average Frenchman who, as a rule, was in considerable doubt as to who his father was.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Golf Quotes

"Peggotty!" repeated Miss Betsey, with some indignation. "Do you mean to say, child, that any human being has gone into a Christian church, and got herself named Peggotty?"

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christian Quotes