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Funny Quotes 957
- Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes
- I am only human, although I regret it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Regret Quotes
- Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Men at most differ as Heaven and Earth, but women, worst and best, as Heaven and Hell.
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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes
- Many are stubborn in pursuit of the path they have chosen, few in pursuit of the goal.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes
- A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow. Our wiser sons, no doubt will think us so.
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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes
- The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average Frenchman who, as a rule, was in considerable doubt as to who his father was.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes
- Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes
- The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes
- His wardrobe was extensive-very extensive-not strictly classical perhaps, not quite new, nor did it contain any one garment made precisely after the fashion of any age or time, but everything was more or less spangled; and what can be prettier than spangles!
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fashion Quotes
- ... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- The movement of life has its rest in its own music.
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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes