Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fathers Day Quotes

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Al Gore Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hope Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

As one reads history ... one is absolutely sickened, not by the crimes that the wicked have committed, but by the punishments that the good have inflicted.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes

Man is but mortal: and there is a point beyond which human courage cannot extend. Mr. Pickwick gazed through his spectacles for an instant on the advancing mass, and then fairly turned his back and-we will not say fled; firstly, because it is an ignoble term, and, secondly, because Mr. Pickwick's figure was by no means adapted for that mode of retreat-he trotted away, at as quick a rate as his legs would convey him;.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When the ax came into the forest the trees said the handle is one of us.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Tree Quotes

Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I drew the duck blue because I've never seen a blue duck before and, to be honest with you I wanted to see a blue duck.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Blue Quotes

Truth - An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Those who love not their fellow-beings live unfruitful lives, and prepare for their old age a miserable grave.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Percy Bysshe Shelley Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes

When a man does exactly what a woman expects him to do she doesn't think much of him. One should always do what a woman doesn't expect, just as one should say what she doesn't understand.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

Your next-door neighbor is not a man; he is an environment. He is the barking of a dog; he is the noise of a piano; he is a dispute about a party wall; he is drains that are worse than yours, or roses that are better than yours.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

Had be been Shakespeare, he would then have written Troilus and Cressidato brand the offending sex; but being only a little dog, he began to bite them.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes