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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket" - which is but a matter of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Pull all your eggs in the one basket and - WATCH THAT BASKET." - Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes
- Prejudices are what fools use for reason.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Use It Or Lose It Quotes
- If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction.
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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Journalism Quotes
- Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christmas Quotes
- A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- I don't quite recollect how many tumblers of whiskey toddy each man drank after supper; but this I know, that about one o'clock in the morning, the baillie's grown-up son became insensible while attempting the first verse of 'Willie brewed a peck o' maut'; and he having been, for half an hour before, the only other man visible above the mahogany, it occurred to my uncle that it was almost time to think about going.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Morning Quotes
- A true sonnet goes eight lines and then takes a turn for better or worse and goes six or eight lines more.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- ... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- No sane man will dance.
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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes
- The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiration Quotes
- What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes
- I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- My toughest fight was with my first wife.
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- Many readers judge of the power of a book by the shock it gives their feelings - as some savage tribes determine the power of muskets by their recoil; that being considered best which fairly prostrates the purchaser.
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Tags : Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Quotes , Funny Quotes , Reading Quotes
- Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it.
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Tags : Addison Mizner Quotes , Funny Quotes , Ignorance Quotes
- Only the shallow know themselves.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes