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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- He is really not so ugly after all, provided, of course, that one shuts one's eyes, and does not look at him.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes
- What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have never been discovered.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I walk up a dune to a beach and look out to sea, but it's 100km away. The ships lie askew in their dry beds, at anchor for ever. Today is my son's birthday. Thousands of miles from here, his healthy lungs are blowing out candles. I should be there but I'm here with another boy, who puts his face close to mine and laughs. I smile back but realise he can't see it, because I'm wearing an antiseptic muzzles to protect me from his breath.
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Tags : A. A. Gill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beach Quotes
- She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.
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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Some men are like musical glasses; to produce their finest tones you must keep them wet.
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Tags : Samuel Taylor Coleridge Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.
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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A minister of state is excusable for the harm he does when the helm of government has forced his hand in a storm; but in the calm he is guilty of all the good he does not do.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Sanity is very rare; every man almost and every woman has a dash of madness.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes
- Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If not that would have to say consummate I suppose. Use your own good taste and judgment.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
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Tags : Plato Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christian Quotes
- The superfluous, a very necessary thing.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes