Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Book Quotes

My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.

4 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

My toughest fight was with my first wife.

3 years ago

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

We are living in 1937, and our universities, I suggest, are not half-way out of the fifteenth century. We have made hardly any changes in our conception of university organization, education, graduation, for a century - for several centuries.

3 years ago

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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I have never heard enough classical music to be able to enjoy it; & the simple truth is, I detest it. Not mildly, but will all my heart. To me an opera is the very climax & cap-stone of the absurd, the fantastic the unjustifiable. I hate the very name of opera - partly because of the nights of suffering I have endured in its presence, & partly because I want to love it and can't.

4 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hate Quotes

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Growing Up Quotes

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Never confuse movement with action.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

All art is quite useless.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

4 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes