Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

4 years ago

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Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes

Murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mistake Quotes

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Girl who sit on Judge's lap get honorable discharge.

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

4 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

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The youth of America is their oldest tradition. It has been going on now for three hundred years.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

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Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it.

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Tags : Addison Mizner Quotes , Funny Quotes , Ignorance Quotes

I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it.

4 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

When a man does exactly what a woman expects him to do she doesn't think much of him. One should always do what a woman doesn't expect, just as one should say what she doesn't understand.

4 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Crush Quotes

The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

Poetry's unnat'ral; no man ever talked poetry 'cept a beadle on boxin' day, or Warren's blackin' or Rowland's oil, or some o' them low fellows; never you let yourself down to talk poetry, my boy.

4 years ago

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Really, if the lower orders don't set a good example, what on earth is the use of them?

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By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

5 years ago

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I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse.

4 years ago

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes