Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Time Quotes

Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes

On life's vast ocean diversely we sail. Reasons the card, but passion the gale.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

He was by no means opposed to hard labour on principle, for he would work away at a cricket-match by the day together, - running, and catching, and batting, and bowling, and revelling in toil which would exhaust a galley-slave.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes

Two people getting together to write a book is like three people getting together to have a baby. One of them is superfluous.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Years Quotes

Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Crush Quotes

A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , America Quotes

It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly stupid thing

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down... Why do we laugh? Because it is a grave religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

It's your money. You paid for it.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

When the ax came into the forest the trees said the handle is one of us.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Tree Quotes

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

Is man one of God's blunders? Or is God one of man's blunders?

5 years ago

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes