George Bernard Shaw Quotes, Funny Quotes, Father Quotes

My father must have had some elementary education for he could read and write and keep accounts inaccurately

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

If you injure your neighbour, better not do it by halves.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Half Quotes

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

"It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

All of us contain Music & Truth, but most of us can't get it out.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, "What will you have, sir?" And I said, "A glass of hemlock."

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

If one tells the truth, one is sure, sooner or later, to be found out.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

The dog is very smart. He feels sorry for me because I receive so much mail; that's why he tries to bite the mailman.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

What is a husband? He is the one who, with a touch, can bring back the starlight and glow of years long ago. At least he hopes he can - don't disappoint him.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Beck Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.

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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes