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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig.
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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Leadership Quotes
- Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes
- I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- He would make a lovely corpse.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.
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Tags : Bob Marley Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows.
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Tags : Al Unser Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- You can always rely on America to do the right thing -- once it has exhausted the alternatives.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Everyone who has ever built anywhere a "new heaven" first found the power thereto in his own hell.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Government Quotes
- A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes
- It's hard to be humble, when you're as great as I am.
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes
- If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.
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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- There is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Familiarity breeds contempt. How accurate that is. The reason we hold truth in such respect is because we have so little opportunity to get familiar with it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Respect Quotes