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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jealousy Quotes
- It is obvious that all sense has gone out of modern marriage; which is, however, no objection to marriage but to modernity.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- You can't imagine what a pleasure this complete laziness is to me: not a thought in my brain- you might send a ball rolling through it!
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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sloth Quotes
- In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Communication Quotes
- Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Education Quotes
- I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark.
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes
- ... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
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Tags : Adi Da Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- This City is what it is because our citizens are what they are.
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Tags : Plato Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cities Quotes
- Mr. and Mrs. Boffin sat staring at mid-air, and Mrs. Wilfer sat silently giving them to understand that every breath she drew required to be drawn with a self-denial rarely paralleled in history.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fate Quotes
- A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes
- I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Compassion Quotes
- A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes