Oprah Winfrey Quotes, Funny Quotes, Dog Quotes

This past Thanksgiving, my father was at the farm, and I had all 11 dogs in the house with a father who never allowed dogs in the house. And he got up to leave the table and came back and Solomon was in his chair. And he says, "This dog is in my chair." And I said, "It's the other way around, you're sitting in his chair."

4 years ago

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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

Musical people always want one to be perfectly dumb at the very moment when one is longing to be perfectly deaf.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hope Quotes

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

The funniest things are the forbidden.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It's a funny old world.

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , World Quotes

What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fate Quotes

But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and was guilty of other glaring pious frauds.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash.

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Army Quotes

Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sexy Quotes

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

Genius is born-not paid

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Teeth Quotes

A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.

4 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

For the journalist, anything probable is gospel truth.

4 years ago

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Journalism Quotes

A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.

4 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes