Oscar Wilde Quotes, Love Quotes, Funny Quotes

It is a sad truth, but we have lost the faculty of giving lovely names to things. Names are everything. I never quarrel with actions. My one quarrel is with words. The man who could call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one. It is the only thing he is fit for.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I'd be at someone's house or be up on the roof all day and I'd get lonely - stir crazy - and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life. But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn't imagine it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lonely Quotes

People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors.

4 years ago

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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Funny Quotes , Drinking Quotes

College is a refuge from hasty judgment.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , College Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.

4 years ago

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Tags : Dalai Lama Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A man and his dog is a sacred relationship. What nature hath put together let no woman put asunder.

5 years ago

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Tags : A. R. Gurney Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alan Dundes Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sexy Quotes

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones.

5 years ago

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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adi Da Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

5 years ago

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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I do not hold that we should rearm in order to fight. I hold that we should rearm in order to parley.

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes