Ernest Hemingway Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

Don't you drink? I notice you speak slightingly of the bottle. I have drunk since I was fifteen and few things have given me more pleasure.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'

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Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Thinking Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I have imbibed such a love for money that I keep some sequins in a drawer to count, and cry over them once a week.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Genius is born-not paid

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

All generalizations are false, including this one.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

"Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.

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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes

Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Respect Quotes

A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes

Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes