George W. Bush Quotes, Funny Quotes

More and more of our imports are coming from overseas

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes

He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Years Quotes

Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

May God defend me from my friends: I can defend myself from my enemies.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Books are totally useless unless you take their advice. If you just keep reading them, thinking "that's so insightful! that changes everything," but never actually doing anything different, then pretty quickly the feeling will wear off and you'll start searching for another book to fill the void.

6 years ago

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Tags : Aaron Swartz Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Prayer Quotes

Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Positive Quotes

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.

5 years ago

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I won`t cry for you, my mascara`s too expensive

6 years ago

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Tags : Adriana Lima Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cute Quotes

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Truth - An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

I walk up a dune to a beach and look out to sea, but it's 100km away. The ships lie askew in their dry beds, at anchor for ever. Today is my son's birthday. Thousands of miles from here, his healthy lungs are blowing out candles. I should be there but I'm here with another boy, who puts his face close to mine and laughs. I smile back but realise he can't see it, because I'm wearing an antiseptic muzzles to protect me from his breath.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. A. Gill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beach Quotes

A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

To buy books would be a good thing if we could also buy the time to read them; but the purchase of books is often mistaken for the assimilation and mastering of their contents.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes