Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Nice Quotes

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sister Quotes

Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

If one tells the truth, one is sure, sooner or later, to be found out.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Do not try to live forever. You will not succeed.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Forever Quotes

No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.

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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

No man knows he is young while he is young.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.

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Tags : Al Neuharth Quotes , Funny Quotes , Attitude Quotes

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

On how to make the game more exciting - Eliminate the referees, raise the basket four feet, double the size of the basketball, limit the height of the players to 5 feet 9 inches, bring back the centre jump, allow taxi drivers in for free and allow the players to carry guns.

5 years ago

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Tags : Al McGuire Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes