Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Beauty is an outward gift, which is seldom despised, except by those to whom it has been refused.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

5 years ago

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Tags : Saint Augustine Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I'm so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark.

5 years ago

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

In war it does not matter who is right, but who is left.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I walk up a dune to a beach and look out to sea, but it's 100km away. The ships lie askew in their dry beds, at anchor for ever. Today is my son's birthday. Thousands of miles from here, his healthy lungs are blowing out candles. I should be there but I'm here with another boy, who puts his face close to mine and laughs. I smile back but realise he can't see it, because I'm wearing an antiseptic muzzles to protect me from his breath.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. A. Gill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beach Quotes

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

He took the bride about the neck and kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack that at the parting all the church did echo.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kissing Quotes

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It's hard to be humble, when you're as great as I am.

5 years ago

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

I like Wagner's music better than anybody's. It is so loud that one can talk the whole time without other people hearing what one says.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

He who desires nothing, hopes for nothing, and is afraid of nothing, cannot be an artist.

5 years ago

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

The only way to be sure of catching a train is to miss the one before it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Travel Quotes