Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Funny Quotes, Dog Quotes

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

There comes a moment in the day when you have written your pages in the morning, attended to your correspondence in the afternoon, and have nothing further to do. Then comes that hour when you are bored; that's the time for sex.

5 years ago

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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes

Morality consists of suspecting other people of not being legally married.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I have always been of opinion that a man who desires to get married should know either everything or nothing.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

This past Thanksgiving, my father was at the farm, and I had all 11 dogs in the house with a father who never allowed dogs in the house. And he got up to leave the table and came back and Solomon was in his chair. And he says, "This dog is in my chair." And I said, "It's the other way around, you're sitting in his chair."

5 years ago

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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

The English country-gentleman galloping after a fox — the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes

The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

What is wrong with the prosaic Englishman is what is wrong with the prosaic men of all countries: stupidity.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes

Let us work without theorizing, tis the only way to make life endurable.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.

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Tags : Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

There are men who can think no deeper than a fact.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes