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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mothers Day Quotes
- I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- When I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- If a student takes the whole series of my folklore courses including the graduate seminars, he or she should learn something about fieldwork, something about bibliography, something about how to carry out library research, and something about how to publish that research.
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Tags : Alan Dundes Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes
- She dotes on poetry, sir. She adores it; I may say that her whole soul and mind are wound up, and entwined with it. She has produced some delightful pieces, herself, sir. You may have met with her 'Ode to an Expiring Frog,' sir.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- "Why, I don't exactly know about perjury, my dear sir," replied the little gentleman. "Harsh word, my dear sir, very harsh word indeed. It's a legal fiction, my dear sir, nothing more."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- They misunderestimated me.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes
- It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- My Dear McClellan, if you don't want to use the army I should like to borrow it for a while. Yours respectfully.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , War Quotes
- When the ax came into the forest the trees said the handle is one of us.
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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Tree Quotes
- I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
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Tags : A. Whitney Brown Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Clever Quotes
- The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- When a man does exactly what a woman expects him to do she doesn't think much of him. One should always do what a woman doesn't expect, just as one should say what she doesn't understand.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes
- I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes