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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.
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Tags : Alexander Pope Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes
- Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- I am only human, although I regret it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Regret Quotes
- A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
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Tags : Adi Da Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Morality consists of suspecting other people of not being legally married.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Travel Quotes
- We are too civil to books. For a few golden sentences we will turn over and actually read a volume of four or five hundred pages.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes
- Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.
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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes
- A jury too often has at least one member more ready to hang the panel than to hang the traitor.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.
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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
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Tags : A. Whitney Brown Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes
- "Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes
- I have imbibed such a love for money that I keep some sequins in a drawer to count, and cry over them once a week.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes