Hector Hugh Munro Quotes, Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If not that would have to say consummate I suppose. Use your own good taste and judgment.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Give me the luxuries and I can dispense with the necessities.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

I want to go ahead of Father Time with a scythe of my own.

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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

Dammit Sir, it's your duty to get married. You can't always be living for pleasure!

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

She dotes on poetry, sir. She adores it; I may say that her whole soul and mind are wound up, and entwined with it. She has produced some delightful pieces, herself, sir. You may have met with her 'Ode to an Expiring Frog,' sir.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mind Quotes

It is true, I worry about the hype. The only person more over-hyped than me is you.

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Dombey and Son had often dealt in hides, but never in hearts. They left that fancy ware to boys and girls, and boarding-schools and books. Mr. Dombey would have reasoned: That a matrimonial alliance with himself must, in the nature of things, be gratifying and honourable to any woman of common sense. That the hope of giving birth to a new partner in such a house, could not fail to awaken a glorious and stirring ambition in the breast of the least ambitious of her sex.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

If so many men, so many minds, certainly so many hearts, so many kinds of love.

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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The Secretary, working in the Dismal Swamp betimes next morning, was informed that a youth waited in the hall who gave the name of Sloppy. The footman who communicated this intelligence made a decent pause before uttering the name, to express that it was forced on his reluctance by the youth in question, and that if the youth had had the good sense and good taste to inherit some other name it would have spared the feelings of him the bearer.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Morning Quotes