Winston Churchill Quotes, Funny Quotes, Death Quotes

I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Golf Quotes

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors.

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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I won`t cry for you, my mascara`s too expensive

6 years ago

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Tags : Adriana Lima Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cute Quotes

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adi Da Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It's much sexier than any body part.

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Tags : Aimee Mullins Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Dombey and Son had often dealt in hides, but never in hearts. They left that fancy ware to boys and girls, and boarding-schools and books. Mr. Dombey would have reasoned: That a matrimonial alliance with himself must, in the nature of things, be gratifying and honourable to any woman of common sense. That the hope of giving birth to a new partner in such a house, could not fail to awaken a glorious and stirring ambition in the breast of the least ambitious of her sex.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes