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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- I've just read that I am dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers.
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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes
- I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes
- Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wisdom Quotes
- To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fathers Day Quotes
- I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.
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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes
- Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.
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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes
- An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
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Tags : Agatha Christie Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.
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Tags : Alan Shearer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Soccer Quotes
- Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows.
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Tags : Al Unser Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cat Quotes
- There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Real Quotes
- Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- My father must have had some elementary education for he could read and write and keep accounts inaccurately
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes
- "Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes