Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.

5 years ago

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Tags : Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

[Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.

4 years ago

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Pimples Quotes

I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

4 years ago

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

4 years ago

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Faith Quotes

Avoid all needle drugs, the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.

5 years ago

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Tags : Abbie Hoffman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dope Quotes

The torpid artist seeks inspiration at any cost, by virtue or by vice, by friend or by fiend, by prayer or by wine.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Governments need to have both shepherds and butchers.

4 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Government Quotes

"The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned..."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.

4 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

My best training came from my father.

5 years ago

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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

No man knows he is young while he is young.

4 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.

4 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Golf Quotes