Margaret Thatcher Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

He hasn't an enemy in the world, and none of his friend like him.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wire Quotes

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

The English country-gentleman galloping after a fox — the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes

Although always prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it should be postponed.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

As I approve of a youth that has something of the old man in him, so I am no less pleased with an old man that has something of the youth. He that follows this rule may be old in body, but can never be so in mind.

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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others.

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Food Quotes

Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.

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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

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Tags : Saint Augustine Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

A book is made from a tree. It is an assemblage of flat, flexible parts (still called "leaves") imprinted with dark pigmented squiggles. One glance at it and you hear the voice of another person, perhaps someone dead for thousands of years. Across the millennia, the author is speaking, clearly and silently, inside your head, directly to you. Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people, citizens of distant epochs, who never knew one another. Books break the shackles of time ― proof that humans can work magic.

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Tags : Carl Sagan Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes