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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.
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Tags : Theodore Roosevelt Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- They misunderestimated me.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes
- As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- "She's a very charming and delightful creature," quoth Mr. Robert Sawyer, in reply; "and has only one fault that I know of, Ben. It happens, unfortunately, that that single blemish is a want of taste. She don't like me."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- In Paris, the greatest expression of personal satisfaction known to man is the smirk on the face of a male, highly pleased with himself as he leaves the boudoir of a lady.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
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Tags : Alanis Morissette Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Books are totally useless unless you take their advice. If you just keep reading them, thinking "that's so insightful! that changes everything," but never actually doing anything different, then pretty quickly the feeling will wear off and you'll start searching for another book to fill the void.
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Tags : Aaron Swartz Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked.
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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivation Quotes
- It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down... Why do we laugh? Because it is a grave religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes
- Will the highways on the Internet become more few?
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I believe in the discipline of silence, and could talk for hours about it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes
- Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes