Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Leadership Quotes

"Vell," said Mr. Weller, "Now I s'pose he'll want to call some witnesses to speak to his character, or p'raps to prove a alleybi. I've been a turnin' the bis'ness over in my mind, and he may make his-self easy, Sammy. I've got some friends as'll do either for him, but my adwice 'ud be this here-never mind the character, and stick to the alleybi. Nothing like a alleybi, Sammy, nothing."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cute Quotes

You can always rely on America to do the right thing -- once it has exhausted the alternatives.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The superfluous, a very necessary thing.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

There are some remarkable parallels between basketball and politics. Michael Jordan has already mastered the skill most needed for political success: how to stay aloft without visible means of support.

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , Basketball Quotes

There is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

"She's a very charming and delightful creature," quoth Mr. Robert Sawyer, in reply; "and has only one fault that I know of, Ben. It happens, unfortunately, that that single blemish is a want of taste. She don't like me."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There is a foolish corner in the brain of the wisest man.

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Tags : Aristotle Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes