Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes, Funny Quotes, Friends Quotes

I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.

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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friends Quotes

I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

He's got his dog trained so that it only does it on newspapers. The trouble is it does it when he's reading the blasted things.

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes

I dislike feeling at home when I am abroad.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Faith Quotes

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Bible Quotes

...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.

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If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I shall write a book some day about the appropriateness of names. Geoffrey Chaucer has a ribald ring, as is proper and correct, and Alexander Pope was inevitably Alexander Pope. Colley Cibber was a silly little man without much elegance and Shelley was very Percy and very Bysshe.

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Tags : James Joyce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Love is a gross exaggeration of the difference between one person and everybody else.

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I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes