Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The difference between screwing around and science is writing it down.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Savage Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.

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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Then, at the end of every hand, Miss Bolo would inquire with a dismal countenance and reproachful sigh, why Mr. Pickwick had not returned that diamond, or led the club, or roughed the spade, or finessed the heart, or led through the honour, or brought out the ace, or played up to the king, or some such thing; and in reply to all these grave charges, Mr. Pickwick would be wholly unable to plead any justification whatever, having by this time forgotten all about the game.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

Although always prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it should be postponed.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes

... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fathers Day Quotes

Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes

I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Teeth Quotes

As I approve of a youth that has something of the old man in him, so I am no less pleased with an old man that has something of the youth. He that follows this rule may be old in body, but can never be so in mind.

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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes