Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones.

5 years ago

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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes

The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A dog reflects the family life. Whoever saw a frisky dog in a gloomy family, or a sad dog in a happy one? Snarling people have snarling dogs, dangerous people have dangerous ones.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

There is, in fact, no law or government at all; and it is wonderful how well things go on without them.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.

5 years ago

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Tags : Plato Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A sportswriter once referred to him as our future president. With a name like Kevin, I don't know whether that's possible.

5 years ago

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nba Quotes

A joke is a very serious thing.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes

A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adi Da Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

It is true, I worry about the hype. The only person more over-hyped than me is you.

5 years ago

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

There is nothing so absurd that some philosopher has not already said it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Funny Quotes , Philosophical Quotes

A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes