Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Fine Quotes

A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fine Quotes

" ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.

5 years ago

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Tags : Dalai Lama Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones.

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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Prejudices are what fools use for reason.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Use It Or Lose It Quotes

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down... Why do we laugh? Because it is a grave religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes

It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

Old age hath yet his honour and his toil.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes

A day wasted on others is not wasted on one's self.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I walk up a dune to a beach and look out to sea, but it's 100km away. The ships lie askew in their dry beds, at anchor for ever. Today is my son's birthday. Thousands of miles from here, his healthy lungs are blowing out candles. I should be there but I'm here with another boy, who puts his face close to mine and laughs. I smile back but realise he can't see it, because I'm wearing an antiseptic muzzles to protect me from his breath.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. A. Gill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beach Quotes

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes