Adam Carolla Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friends Quotes

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Only the shallow know themselves.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes

Ladies and gentlemen are permitted to have friends in the kennel, but not in the kitchen.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kitchen Quotes

All knives and forks were working away at a rate that was quite alarming; very few words were spoken; and everybody seemed to eat his utmost, in self defence, as if a famine were expected to set in before breakfast-time to-morrow morning, and it had become high time to assert the first law of nature.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Morning Quotes

The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

The roulette table pays nobody except him that keeps it. Nevertheless a passion for gaming is common, though a passion for keeping roulette tables is unknown.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

I'm so overexposed, I'm making Paris Hilton look like a recluse.

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

It's a funny old world.

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , World Quotes

The last thing one discovers in composing a work is what to put first.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

"Well," said my aunt, "this is his boy - his son. He would be as like his father as it's possible to be, if he was not so like his mother, too."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mother Quotes