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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- The roulette table pays nobody except him that keeps it. Nevertheless a passion for gaming is common, though a passion for keeping roulette tables is unknown.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- "Next," said Mrs Wilfer with a wave of her gloves, expressive of abdication under protest from the culinary throne, "I would recommend examination of the bacon in the saucepan on the fire, and also of the potatoes by the application of a fork. Preparation of the greens will further become necessary if you persist in this unseemly demeanour."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- What I tell you three times is true.
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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes
- Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes
- One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.
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Tags : Bob Marley Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes
- The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Triumph Quotes
- To buy books would be a good thing if we could also buy the time to read them; but the purchase of books is often mistaken for the assimilation and mastering of their contents.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes
- In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes
- Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mothers Day Quotes
- Three minutes thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.
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Tags : A. E. Housman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes
- Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes
- One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- You can't imagine what a pleasure this complete laziness is to me: not a thought in my brain- you might send a ball rolling through it!
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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sloth Quotes
- A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes