Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes, Funny Quotes, Real Quotes

There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong.

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Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Positive Quotes

If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Ven you read the speeches in the papers, and see as vun gen'lman says of another, 'the Honourable member, if he vill allow me to call him so' you vill understand, sir, that that means, 'if he vill allow me to keep up that 'ere pleasant and uniwersal fiction.'

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

Rule No.1: Never lose money. Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1.

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.

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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If not that would have to say consummate I suppose. Use your own good taste and judgment.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jealousy Quotes

Dombey and Son had often dealt in hides, but never in hearts. They left that fancy ware to boys and girls, and boarding-schools and books. Mr. Dombey would have reasoned: That a matrimonial alliance with himself must, in the nature of things, be gratifying and honourable to any woman of common sense. That the hope of giving birth to a new partner in such a house, could not fail to awaken a glorious and stirring ambition in the breast of the least ambitious of her sex.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes