Rudyard Kipling Quotes, Funny Quotes, Death Quotes

I've just read that I am dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers.

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

Morality consists of suspecting other people of not being legally married.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong.

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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sorry Quotes

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Everything in moderation, including moderation.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is absolutely fatal.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

We are living in 1937, and our universities, I suggest, are not half-way out of the fifteenth century. We have made hardly any changes in our conception of university organization, education, graduation, for a century - for several centuries.

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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

" ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jail Quotes

There is more to be said for stupidity than people imagine. Personally I have a great admiration for stupidity. It is a sort of fellow-feeling, I suppose.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

There is, in fact, no law or government at all; and it is wonderful how well things go on without them.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I think war is a dangerous place.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes

What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

It is not funny that anything else should fall down; only that a man should fall down... Why do we laugh? Because it is a grave religious matter: it is the Fall of Man. Only man can be absurd: for only man can be dignified.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended-and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

The great commander, who seemed by expression of his visage to be always on the look-out for something in the extremest distance, and to have no ocular knowledge of anything within ten miles, made no reply whatever.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Distance Quotes